A Flintstone Christmas

I've seen a number of films and read a few books wherein technology exists that allows you to view the dreams of another person. On the surface, this is a wonderful idea. You can peek in on a person's subconscious and see what's in their nightmares, fantasies and, if you're a hardcore voyeur, their wet dreams. In reality, this is probably a horrible idea. I know this because I watched A Flintstone Christmas and it was terrifying.

You say "But Tom, that's just a children's cartoon, not someone's dream!" and normally, I'd be rational enough to agree with you. That can't happen right now. I'm convinced this horrible cartoon is actually a printing of Ken Ham's[ref]Ken Ham is the founder of Answers in Genesis and one of the big whigs at the Creation Museum. I'm not linking to him. He doesn't deserve the traffic and you can't make me. Google him if you want.[/ref] recurring dream.

After looking at me funny, you say "But Tom, what do the Flintstones have to do with the young earth movement?" and cock your head sideways. I respond with my prepared statement as such:

We've all seen The Flintstones. We know that it's like The Honeymooners in prehistoric times. We know it's far from scientifically accurate, as humans did not coexist with dinosaurs, let alone have dominion over them.

But until this special, there were things we didn't know about them. And I'm not talking about how the concept of Santa Claus existed in prehistoric times. Santa is going to end up in Pac-Land as well [ref]I'll get to that one. It's terrible, but it doesn't have these kinds of implications[/ref], so we can expect that all these specials will use Santa in places he doesn't belong.

I'm also not talking about Fred Flintstone's new voice. This special premiered in 1977, the same year Harry Corden took over from Alan Reed following his death. Corden seemed to take the whole "Fred Flintstone is Ralph Kramden in a loincloth" concept too far and does a horrible Jackie Gleason impression the entire time. He even does a song that made me long for a Gleason and The June Taylor Dancers to attack the Hanna-Barbera studios and cut him off something fierce.

Bad impressions aside, the real issue I had was that the Flintstone, the Rubbles and the Slates are celebrating a holiday called Christmas.

It would be bad form to assume that early man didn't have festivals. They understood the changing of seasons and had means of marking time. I'm not averse to the notion that they'd have a nice party commemorating the equinoxes and solstices as it makes sense to me.

I'm okay with the Flintstones having all our modern Christmas traditions represented as well. The whole point was that they were just like us, but with less clothes and more animal-powered technology. Of course they'll have a Christmas tree, and give gifts and dress like Santa for the kids. Calling it Christmas is what strikes me as odd.

That designation for the winter holiday did not appear until the time of the Roman Empire. The Flintstones takes place hundreds, if not thousands of years prior to the event Christmas is supposed to celebrate. Even taking into account the facts that it's designed to be silly, that birds can't be record players, and no humans ever really rode a dinosaur, I just see it as baffling that another name isn't used. Perhaps only George Lucas was smart enough to realize that anything taking place a long time ago couldn't have Christmas[ref]Beg me and give me cheesecake and I might write up The Star Wars Holiday Special.[/ref] so you'd have to call it Life Day or something equally goofy. Suspension of disbelief only goes so far.

Yes, I know I'm picking nits here. I have to, as A Flintstone Christmas creates a perfect storm for Ken Ham and his supporters, even if it was created before their movement got big. There are early humans, coexisting with dinosaurs, and they're celebrating Christmas. Not the Winter Solstice, not Saturnalia, not Yule, not Life Day, but Christmas.

If this special isn't Ham's dream, he's got it running on a loop in his office, reassuring him that Hanna-Barbera was touched to provide this evidence for him.