Cheer Up, Charlie!

Yeah, I do need to cheer up. Oh, hello again, faithful reader. It is me again. I've returned from a pleasant hiatis from my normal life to reoccupy this cesspool. Now, were they showing Home Improvment or Will and Grace in place of me? Either way, I'll bet the ratings were higher. I'll spare you the flashbacks to what I've been up to since last time, cause it's old and tripey and I don't care anymore. Yeah, I'm in a lousy mood. To begin with, Marley was dead. No, that's some other dude. To begin with, I'm all out of prospects. Yes, at one point you could have counted all the ladies I may have had a shot with on both hands. Now you don't need any hands. Just a vacuum. That's right. Zero, zip, nada, TOM IS A LOSER! Well, maybe that's a little harsh. Yeah, I need to stop blowing things out of proportion. Second, I've walked back through the revolving door of crap that surrounds my life. RHA, ARA, SBD, NCARH, other clever acronyms, College Bowl, class, money UGH! Anyone got a banana they can assault me with? I didn't pay attention in that course. So, here I sit, taking my frustrations out on my good old IBM PS/2 Keyboard (It's one of the orignals) and filling my already oversized body with a pint of Ben and Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream. Yeah, I really need to quit the product placement, especially when I'm not being compensated. Is this working? I don't know, but it's sure better than attacking myself with fresh fruit. At least I can still make Monty Python references. All hope is not lost. I guess I'll end this with a plea. A somewhat unrelated plea, but a plea nonetheless. I've been doing a lot of being honest and direct lately with my feelings (which, of course, has helped yield this current state). I ask of all you, true believers, that if you've been witholding something from me, be it good or bad (like, I smell bad during ARA meetings or something) or you know someone who has, please, tell me. I picked the wrong time to go through a reassessment of my life, but it needs to be done, and soon. So, anything along those lines will help as I begin my quest to find out just who the fuck I really am. I'll leave you all on that crazy note. It's time to put this pint away and return An Evening With Kevin Smith to my screen. I feel a little better now, so I guess I can laugh again. Yeah, I do need to cheer up, and find myself, and pick this place up, and call the philanthropy people, and fix my RA stuff, and . . . Yeah, I do need to shut the fuck up. *miming "Hasta Lumbago"*